"You have a multifaceted personality and I'm not quite sure how to approach you. On one hand you're really amazing and I just want to give you endless snuggles and respect you. On the other hand, you're really dirty minded. "
Of course I'm paraphrasing a recent conversation, but never in my life have I ever seen my personality described so eloquently.
"You are truly an epic human being". Another friend told me this last night, thankfully via text. It was both the most settling and disturbing things a person has ever said to me.
I don't think that I could handle another person saying something that awesome to me during conversation again. I'm so not used to it. I hate being in freak out mode because someone was nice to me. I'm finding myself in that place a lot lately.
I just need to know that I can be weird as Hell and that someone still wants to get naked with me at the end of the day. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently it isn't.
Let's be real about this for a sec; my life is a romantic comedy minus the romance and with a whole bunch of me just laughing at my own jokes.
Never have I ever thought I would see the day that actually speaking to someone on the phone and having a normal conversation in real time would constitute a major act of trust and a landmark moment in a relationship either. But, yet that moment came a month ago after I avoided the inevitable for 3 years and someone truly amazing. Still trying to work out this one. There have been many a "what the actual fuck" moment. If I go into it more in depth than that I'm going to need a keg of vodka to get me through it. Wait....Do they make those? Check on that for me!
I don't know what the deal is with one person that I would at this point consider to be a pretty good friend but I've come to the conclusion that they needed to make sure that I was both dateable and not crazy before they're willing to meet me. It's OK. I almost kind of like what we have going. He's got a personality similar to mine and we make each other laugh and we tell each other things that we can't talk to other people about. I just wish they would stop being such a pussy.
Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating. I personally prefer either a phone call or a note. Texting is so impersonal and I spent much of the past 7 years doing more than I ever want to do again.
"Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders."
Sometimes I wish it was that easy. I did something epically stupid last night. I don't know what to do about it. As another friend I told about it said, "Just go with it and see." Fireball turns me into a frat boy. I say all the fiery things. I'm just going to leave it at that for now.
For as long as I can remember I've always had this undercurrent of sadness that, if I'm honest about it, I don't totally mind. I can't blame people for leaving, communication isn't exactly my strong point when I've spent the past 20 years in self-preservation mode.
I think that over the past year, more than any other time in my life I've been more in touch with who I am and what I want from my life. I would be lying if I said that it didn't worry me a little.
Lessons learned this week:
I am fully aware of the fact that no person on this planet is too busy to go after what they really want. That doesn't make the fact suck any less when you're the one who's waiting on the phone call.
Not under any circumstances, especially when sad, am I to get drunk with a friend and think it's a genius idea to allow them to "paint" highlights onto my head. Even more so when the two of you can taste colors better than you can see them. This will result in thinking that they are developed enough to wash out and result in looking like a bunch of peeps had a gang bang on top of your head in the form of yellow streaks. My mom has fixed it as much as it can be. It doesn't look bad.
"This is going to look awesome" while drinking is the female equivalent of "Hold my beer."
That no matter how badly I want to refrain from hurting someone, honesty really is the best policy.
That opening up to an old friend during what you thought was just casual catch up conversation about who you are seeing and they knew the old you who was deathly allergic to human relationships will result in them playing big brother and messaging this new person online. What. The. Actual. Fuck. Mortified. Ended contact with them. Grateful that new person is still talking to me. Ending said relationship with old friend will help you feel better about cutting ties with who you were in the past, as he was there at the beginning of your adult life and helped mold some awesome parts of who you are today. Appreciate them, thanked them, and moving on.
Once someone shows you that they are a manipulative crappy person, you should believe them. I'm not kidding myself that this is something that I am insurmountably bad at. I refuse to walk around instantly thinking the worst of everyone, but even when someone is horrible I have a really hard time giving up on them. Mostly because I know what it feels like to be the one that was given up on.
That I should allow the first thing that pops into my head to fly out of my mouth in anger more often.
I don't talk to dicks. I fuck them. I wish some men would take note of that.
I think I just discovered that my son is a creative genius disguised as a clueless dink. The kid could go on forever about anything that interests him like a college professor and it's totally amazing to be a part of it. Can he both shower and use soap?
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