Junkie

My addiction is not a drug.

It is touch.  
Yours, to be exact.
A simple hello infuses my veins with a high like none other I've experienced.
The crash that follows our goodbye is a withdrawal that I cannot bare.

I tell myself I'll walk away this time;
convince myself that there is no undertones in the way it makes my chest ache 
when your face lights up 
and we're talking about something that makes my nerd brain tingle. 
I shouldn't be so ashamed that it's not the first time I've said this.

I've had so many thoughts of you this morning that my espresso is as cold
as the winter nights I can't wait to spend kissing you.

I want to stow away inside your head.
Curl up and fall asleep each night listening to the way your gears turn.
You are fascinating; 
old, beat up hearts and new words and hope;
all things toned down and fired up;
craving the kind of things only understood through time and conversation 
and the once in a lifetime kind of connection sparked between only us.
You're the only thing in the universe that made me see all that remains of magic 
in places that I had forgotten to look for and believe in.

I don't know how or why I fell in love with you.
There is no "X marks the spot moment" in my timeline.
It's not that I'm saying that I am, or anything.
It just feels like it's something that's always been in me and I finally found who it was for.
Somehow coming to know you feels more like a memory from a past I've never forgotten.
A home I've tried to find my way back to.
Our souls are very old friends.
Your kiss is pure sweetness to me,
mostly because I had to suffer through most of my life without you in it first
and I don't want to ever feel that way again.

At times there is so much to say to you but I choose not to.
I fight the thoughts drowning my brain and struggling out of my mouth.
Not for my own sake,
but for the sake of mankind.
If I let it all out,
the fire inside me is going to burn everything to ashes.

When you found me I was a mess.
I detest that I wandered away from myself to get close to someone else.
It will never happen again.
I was so convinced that giving up on him would feel like a win.
Anything had to be better than that spinning vortex.
I can't explain the safe haven I've found when I'm near you.

It's hard to give up on someone who makes you feel like 
the depth of the world resides inside their eyes.
But like any addict, 
recovery will take multiple attempts before I rid you out of my system.
I don't even want to.
Your simple hello will haunt my life forever;
with or without you in it.