Falling In Autumn

Over the past month I have found solace in walking alone on the trails in my town.  Just a girl and her dog in silence that pulls the peace into your soul like a forgiving friend.  Even though fall has always been my favorite season once I've been able to admit that it was finally here, I have never been one for admitting that I was seeing the seasons change;  that I didn't see the tops of the trees turning colors.  The treetops were changing colors, but someone low to the ground, such as my 5'3" self, the middle and bottoms of the trees were very much stuck in summer mode.  It was as if my heart believed that if I kept my eyes to the ground or straight ahead I didn't have to admit to the inevitable changing of the seasons.  But, since most of the trees are now changed entirely and all change is inevitable, I have found myself enjoying the sky again.  Besides, you can't enjoy the beautiful sunset or make up stories about the characters in the clouds, if you don't look up.

And change is going to come, whether you like it or not.

Even though logic screamed from the tiny cage she kept locked 
in the dark lair of her mind 
that laying on a grenade would hurt a million times less 
than being in love with him, 
she couldn't help it.

Giving him an unparalleled access to wreck her entirely,
she wanted him.  
It didn't matter how she had him in her life, 
she had him, 
and that was the only knowledge that her heart would accept.

Friends. 
His kiss was not that of a friend.  
The fire in his eyes when he looked at her from across the room 
was something that she'd never seen before
and it hit her square in the chest like a deer in headlights. 

So what if it was falling that she was afraid of?  
She was fine with hiding from commitment 
convincing each other that they were just friends.  
She learned to ignore how she couldn't ignore 
the way that the curve of his smile made her chest ache.
How her brain lit up at the sound of his hello.
He learned how to connect her freckles like constellations
and how his touch caused her to simultaneously catch fire and relax.

And they found peace in each other's inner chaos.
All the while pretending they weren't falling like leaves in October.