Vent of Randomness

I couldn't think of a different title.  I may change it later.  Who knows.  To warn you ahead of time, this is more of a vent of randomness than anything else.  You probably won't understand it and I apologize to my readers if it doesn't make sense, but frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.

I am not disgusted by a lot.  After all, I am the mother of a special needs child who is fascinated by the most disgusting things imaginable and grew up with a family of hunters.  With that said, don't ever hock a loogie in front of me.  I understand the need to do it, but people, when y'all are in public and people are around listening to it....REALLY?  Manners.  Working at a hospital surrounded by the old and infirm, you'd think I'd be used to it.  Nope.  An hour later after hearing it and I still want to vomit. 

Who needed to eat lunch today?  Apparently not me. 

I'm going to take that as a blessing.  I'm having one of those days where I need all the cheese.  Cause ya know, since I'm never going to get laid again and all why not?

Just kidding about that;  things seem to be on the road to going quite well in that department.  But not about the cheese.  It's a really good thing that I have people in my life that love me just the way I am.  Because cheese.  Who needs to be a size 8 when you have that wonderous stuff?

I've been having a hard time lately.  Part of it is the time of year, the part that threatens to undo whatever progress I've put into being marginally saner.  I know that transitional months and I don't get along much.  I've always wondered if it's ever going to change.  It hasn't yet.  I've done as much as I think I can to will it away. 

I have OCD.   Not the ritualistic kind;  the "Hello, I'm your brain on stress.   Let me hound you with intrusive thoughts until you cry" kind.   Most of the time I am really good at managing it.   Lately, not so much.  Obessive thoughts are incredibly fucked up beings.   The human brain, especially the stressed to the max one, can conjure up some really disturbing things.  It's like my brain doesn't want me to be happy and when I am I don't know what to do about it.   There are days that I am certain that Hell is a place that you carry around with you, not a place that you go to.  I've found that the only way for lack of a better term, to stop the insanity or "feed the beast", is to get a huge rush of adrenaline.  Another reason behind my...how did one person put it..."openness".  With that said; last night was exactly what my beast needed.  Yes, as I grin widely at my desk, I will leave it vaguely at that.
Working out has become second nature to me.  Still feeling better than I was, which is a plus.  The only really bad day was Thursday, in which I got the kids off to school and then commenced to sleep the day away.  It was frustrating because it was my day off and I had so much planned.  Just listening to the ques that I'm given instead of fighting them.  It's been working.  My pain and swelling levels have decreased, I feel better and have a lot more energy than I did last month.  I'm trying really hard not to be disappointed about one frackin' day, but you know how that goes....

Things that were stressing me out beyond recognition have slightly tapered off.  Money is still the root of all evil, but at least it is consistently so.

Some things in my world are happening that I am pretty excited about.  Nothing that I can talk about in depth, because although I am an open person I do also respect other people's privacy.  All I can say, is that it feels pretty good to have some answers.   It is very settling to be told that you are loved because you're a very fun person to be around. 

I am not ready to admit that the life that I want exists only in the same vortex that the Easter Bunny and Santa reside in just yet.