Repost: Nonsensical Rant

Blunt honesty.

TRUTH.  We all say that we want it, but do we? 

When the truth doesn’t match up to what we desire from life, we find it next to impossible to accept it. 

We all say we give it.  And we do, for the most part.  That is, until the truth is going to destroy our bubble that we're comfortable in or hurt someone that you care deeply about. 

Well, like it or not, here’s mine:

When I say that I want to be in a relationship, I mean it.   When I say that I think that you’re wonderful, I mean it.   What I don’t mean, is that we should get married after knowing each other less than 2 months.   See!!!   No need to panic.   I’m not nuts like every other drunken whore on the planet.   I’m just me, over here like, “At some point before I die, I want to be loved and know it.“  Too much to ask?  It better not be, or you don’t have a place in my life. 

What I really want, is another adult in the house, who wants to do adult things.   Like shower together, for example.   Or watching porn and making fun of it with me.  Or conversing.   I think that good, honest, old fashioned communication has gone right out the window.   Man do I miss it!   I want to know what makes someone tick at their core.   When you have that kind of bond with someone, love is simply besides the point.   It took me until I was 25 years old to learn how to love myself the way that I deserved to.  I have busted my ass to have the life that I have now.  It might not be a lot to some, but it’s a lot more than I had to start with.  I will not spend a second in the next 25 years of my life from this day forward trying to convince someone else that I am worth getting to know. 

Truth.   Love.   It either is or it isn’t.   If you wanted to get to know me, you would. 

I find it hard to be in love.  That’s only because I didn’t want to fall in love.   I refuse to lower my walls.   I have been through a lot of things that I don't get close enough to people for them to know about me.  Once you open up yourself to someone, there’s a chance things won’t go the way you intended and you will be left broken.  I’m not ready to feel empty. 

I think that Facebook should allow the relationship status "In a threesome with Ben & Jerry and Netflix".  Polyamory, anyone?

There are 26 letters in the English language.   26 letters that can be arranged in an infinite combination of words and sentences.   None of which will be able to change what has already happened.  None of which can make sense out of the nonsense that love is.  Being one to need to make sense out of everything, this fact is the most frustrating.