Fate? Inertia? Bueller?

"It is not inertia alone that is responsible for human relationships repeating themselves from case to case, indescribably monotonous and unrenewed:  it is shyness before any sort of new, unforeseeable experience with which one does not think oneself able to cope.  But only someone who is ready for everything, who excludes nothing, not even the most enigmatical will live the relation to another as something alive."

Rainer Maria Rilke

In an effort to deal with recent events, I am not going to talk about it to those who are not directly involved.  I will say however, that sometimes once you think you have found the entirety of ones crazy, there can be an entire underground garage complete with sub levels.  It will shake you to your core, but it will also prove what you're made of by how you deal with it.  Instead of letting it ruin me, I'm going to just move on.

I haven't been blogging on here a lot because I started writing on another blog that covers a different facet of my life.  I'm actually quite excited about it, but I'm not going to post it on here because I prefer to keep it separate.  I know some who read this one would have a heart attack if I said half of the stuff that goes on behind closed doors in my world.

Over the past year, I took a huge leap of faith and decided that I was going to do what it takes to be happy rather then continually doing an autopsy report on something that was already decayed beyond recognition.  There is nothing that you can ever do to take back something that happened, words that were said.  Most of the time it's not even worth it to wish you could.  The energy is best used on what deserves it, and nobody deserves my attention more than I do.

There's a French proverb I came across the other day that says: "You often meet your fate on the road you've taken to avoid it."  I guess being on a dating site looking for anything but love it was bound to happen.

Just like any relationship that is going to be worth it and last, it has to take patience and time.  I know who I am and what I want now more than I ever have.  I have never been a patient person.  I've always been in the position to need to be the one who takes charge and forges ahead to get things done.  There's only one image in my head that comes to mind when I think of what happened to me when I saw the person that I was, and still am, willing to be patient for:

Fate has a funny way of coming around.  It's like a tiny, unpopular restaurant filled with weird little waitresses with shitty attitudes who bring you things you never asked for and end up loving anyway.

In the event that they're reading this:  I'm sorry.  I miss you.  And if I really did say what you said I did, then I mean it more now than I ever have - considering the fact that when you told me that I said that I was a little dumbfounded because I don't think those are words that I would ever mumble let alone type into a message.