Monday Night Superhero

If you wish to be a warrior prepare to get broken.  If you wish to be an explorer, prepare to get lost and if you wish to be a lover prepare to be both.  

~  Daniel Saint

  One day I'm just going to get straight to the point and tell you that you give me butterflies in my vagina. 

    ~ Cynicallovebird

I once fell in love with a fisherman who kissed me quickly
and threw me overboard as if I was one of many.
And then along came him,
a sailor who knew I was the sea.

I think about it all the time.  
What I want.  
How scared and intimidated I am to go after it.  
The embarrassment of fumbling through stupid formalities of dating.  
Can't they be bypassed altogether?  
I would just rather move past the banter that has no bearing on anything meaningful 
and communicate non-verbally and maybe talk afterwards instead.
I'm only easy once.
Once,
when I'm unfurling myself in the sun of their attentions.

What surrounds me is a disaster.
What's within me is a mixture of bliss and a hint of madness
but what's in front of me,
let's just say my walls shake at the mere thought of their eyes.
Sometimes I like it gentle and intimate.
Other times I need rough and animalistic.
And being able to decipher which I need and when is part of the art of being a man.

I laid in his arms while the stars bloomed above us.
"Greetings" said my former moon up high.
I smiled to my old lover and gave him the middle finger.
He stared down and made the tides roar in his jealousy.
I closed my eyes and I found peace at the sight of the waves
because I was no longer the one who was drowning in them.

All I did was let go, let it happen.
I let a soul who resembled mine treat me as I was longing to treat them.
So the beauty lied in how he touched my skin,
as though I was more than who I saw myself as.
I have never felt so exposed;
which also begs the question,
have I ever even allowed one to see me?
He has from the first second we laid eyes on each other
and every day for seven years.

At that moment, 
I was completely consumed by sensory overload.  
I wanted to touch every inch of him, 
silently celebrating everything I see as imperfections within myself.  
I tasted myself inside his mouth.  
We saw each other in all our existence;  
fears and desires, his lust.  
His hunger to bite my neck. 
I laid on my lovers chest that night under darkness.
I still hear his heart beat when I listen closely. 

Sexual release brings such emotional resolve for me.  
He comforted me by reassuring me that he'd found peace in my mania.  
That my anxiety is a riddle he doesn't mind taking the time to solve.  
We found familiarity with each other in his depression.  

I slept soundly for the first time;
a peace came and I didn't walk away as I do.
Control no longer on my list.
I'd now just rather be the open vessel to what the universe has in store.
What a release to let it all go
and invite the peace that only a tremendous foundational plummet can bring.
Oh, and it wasn't the beautiful waves of his body
or the cosmic touch of his fingers on my skin.
It was the way they fixed their gentle stare on my face
and melted the raging chaos in the very marrow of my bones.

So now with all this vast empty space shall I free fall or fly?
For him I'd sail to the stars,
blowing kisses to the earth below,
welcoming the most beautiful demise with an even more beautiful view.

Overpowering, it overflowed from me to him.
He bit my lip and held me closer knowing I am absolutely his.
Life was calling and it would never stop
but in those few minutes his presence healed me,

My Monday night superhero.