Rain Rain Go Away

Strangers in the night exchanging glances
Wond'ring in the night what were the chances
We'd be sharing love before the night was through

Something in your eyes was so inviting
Something in you smile was so exciting
Something in my heart told me I must have you.....

This afternoon brought to you by instrumental jazz standards being piped into the lobby at work.  Which I must admit that I love much better than Disney music. 

I'm trying my best to be pleasant.  Both of my kids are sick and didn't want me to go to work.  I need brakes on the car.  Or rather I need them changed, I have the parts.  I want to cry.  I want to be home.  Everything is coming to a head and I just need a friggin' hug.  Or sex.  Or alcohol.  Or one of those drunken hugs that turns into sex. 

Wednesday it rained cats and dogs in my neck of the woods.  I was looking forward to a day off but I got called into work on 3 hours of sleep.  I narrowly missed the bridge on my commute home being flooded by 20 minutes and made it home just in time for the beginning of my basement flooding.  It was coming in faster than the sump pump could get it out.  I got the "brilliant" idea to dump the water into the washing machine and put it on spin so it would suck it out through the septic.  It worked like a charm.  I was pretty impressed with myself.  My back is not very happy about it but nothing exploded so it'll just have to deal.  The roads are collapsed in several places.  I've seen the area flood before, nothing like this. 

Had the worst experience of my life yesterday at the doctor's.  No new information, not a single one of my doctors can come to the same conclusion as to what is wrong with me, so my doctor had no idea why the Surgeon's paperwork they gave me after my procedure last week said the really awful things that I'm worried about.  So another call to the specialists and waiting game.  Yesterday afternoon was a complete waste of time.  The only thing that I do feel better about is that the biopsy results came back negative for cancer. 

Even more of a waste of my time is wishing things were different.  For someone who has always loved solitude, it is the one thing that I would stab repeatedly if it could take living form.  Feeling like you are completely alone in the world is not an enjoyable feeling.  I ended up so wound up from stress that I was up until midnight cleaning and drinking.  Bright side, my house looks good and the basement is almost dried up. 

It's almost frustrating and relaxing at the same time when you just went completely through the house 2 weeks ago and had a huge yard sale, only to stress clean later and fill 2 more totes full of stuff.

Note to self:  buy more blueberry vodka. 

I have wallowed so much lately and I am done doing it.  I was going to accomplish many things.  I still plan to.  Had to cancel dinner plans with a friend, but it worked to my advantage.  It's my turn to cook and now I'll have time to start apple butter tomorrow.  I also want to go apple picking again Monday while the kids are in school.  I've been feeling like I need to do some things alone just to prove I'm still capable of doing so.  Hence the wallowing...feeling very unlike my usual can do anything self, things out of my control and all that jazz.  I digress.

I said something out loud for the first time when I took my son out to breakfast this morning.  It was in regards to why I decided to stop dying my hair.  I was in a semi-pleasant mood this morning but this brought out feelings I wasn't ready for and with no other way to put it, I managed to fail at holding it together.  I think that has a lot to do with what's wrong with me today.  It's a whole other post.