The Suck

 I seek to find peace for my world in pieces.

I need to find a way to relax.

All this stress from recent sadness and other life-insanity;

my anxiety cloud offering nothing but darkness, 

decompressing from my anxious mind that ending in something closely resembling Wile E. Coyote free falling 

- watching the boulder that was about to fall on him the whole way down - 

had me ready to punch my keurig for needing water when I turned it on to make my oatmeal this morning...

If you can't laugh at yourself, what can you do?

My journey into no longer reaching for familiar coping mechanisms has been tested greatly,

something that I've been trying my best to ignore.  

We all know how that goes.  

I will say I'm pretty proud of myself for sticking the landing. 

Rather than running to the bar or a stranger's bed,  

I'm running to the hills of Vermont for the weekend. 

I need to make myself inaccessible and since my impulsive brain is trying to take control the only way to shut the bitch up is to let mother nature help me along with zero service and beautiful views. 

Just a girl,  her tent,  the sky, a recorder app on her phone, and sitting in the suck. 

My white flag is flying for all to see.

It's not what I'm used to.

But what's a girl to do?

You can't make a home on a windshield wiper.

Silly me for trying just the same.