the wreckage of who I am.
I have a exterior of strength and independence
and an interior that feels a certain neediness.
Much to my demise,
you seem to understand just the formula
that is made solely to protect the fragile thing underneath;
Which is all of it.
I said I was busy
I was, but not in a way that most people would understand.
There is something inside of me that I've always been aware of;
a hollow core filled with all the emotions I could never let escape.
Then the day came when they found the key and I felt them all at once.
I've been lost in something scary;
My reality became nightmarish
and my mind was locked away and screaming;
my heart sobbing in the corner
Healthy? Unhealthy?
Who knows.
I simply no longer had a choice.
In they crept;
Under my nails,
crawling beneath my skin,
forced down my throat to the pit of my stomach.
Sending me into a current too strong to control on my own.
And there you were.
Just there.
In the one place that nobody has ever been allowed access to.
I was busy silencing irrational thoughts
I was busy calming my shattered heart.
I was busy convincing my mind that it was okay
until it saw sunlight again.
Sometimes, this is my busy.
Don't be too quick to cuff yourself to my crazy
I'm a no-win situation
I need to be loved hard or not at all
Love,
Oh love,
it makes a monster out of me.
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