I swear, the second I come out of my fog of misery, the rest of the Universe has to go crazier just to prove that it still can.
I've had the past 3 days off. Today I'm back at work. There are no words.
I got a lot accomplished during my time off, that's a plus. It was also very healing, as I had some moments of solitude....NAPS. Ok, they were naps. And binge watching Grey's Anatomy. Still, it was nice to be able to do that free of interruptions.
My dad's family has a camp in Surry on a lake. My aunt (mom's sister) wants to use it during the end of June and she's never been there. We went to go check it out on Wednesday to see if it's something that she would want. I love it, but my sister never did when we were kids and dad took us camping there overnight. She'd complain the entire time. And loons are scary at 3 a.m. There is no electricity, no running water - just nature and memories. It's my sanctuary. We got onto the road, and my heart fell. The road was blocked by fallen trees. I couldn't just turn around I had to go make sure that the cabin that has been in our family since the 40's was still standing. And so we went, over and under and around, we got through about 20 fallen trees over the course of a half mile. The second I saw the cabin coming around the corner, I was even more determined to get there. There was not a single tree down near the cabin or in the clearing at all. We got back to the car, nearly in one piece. Pretty much looking like we were raised by wolves. There's a lot of work to do, but I am at peace.
And, even though it peed on me, I saved a painted turtle from getting hit by a car.
I am faced with another dilemma. Of course that could never stay away. To explain what is going on would be to do the thing that I was asked not to do. I'm ready to say fuck it. All I have to say, vaguely, is that I should not have to hide anything about my life just to have someone be a part of it. And I am not going to, ever again.
Not much happening in the dating world. I'm still talking to all the same people, just thinking that doing my own thing for awhile isn't a bad thing. Besides, if I am going to primp anything for anyone other than myself there better be some damn romance involved for a change. I like hand holding and talking to each other like a human. I am a very open person and I am up front about my interests, but seriously? Time and place, people! I like wearing pretty dresses and heels. I don't like someone questioning who I'm wearing them for. It's so hard for people to accept the fact that I don't do it for anyone but myself because I look good in them and I like who I am. I also like who I am when I go to the store in my pajamas when the kids decide we need ice cream to go with our movie and I've already changed.
No fucks given, most of the time.
"If you want something you've never had before, you need to do things you've never done before." Is that how the saying goes? If not then y'all can quote me as the one who put it that way.
Figured out how I'm going to finish my tattoo. A picture that I came upon when I was looking at someone's facebook page prompted it to all come together. It's only been a year. What can I say? I am the first one to admit that my decision making skills resemble that of a squirrel crossing the road.
My daughter seems to have come out of her funk also. I am much less concerned. Her room is clean. She's voicing her feelings. Willingly picking up after herself. Showering. Eating. Cooking. Actually it's coming from both kids, but her recent shut down scared the crap out of me. She has never dealt with changes well and then end of the school year seems to always been especially hard for her. She thrives in routine and during the summer there really isn't one.
Yesterday was the last day of school. I fought the temptation to drink heavily and cry. Instead I paid money for plants that I will inevitably kill and spray paint to make old things new again. Purple chandelier, anyone? Maybe just for me :)
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