J.M.

 It was a year into my breakup, and I created a profile on plenty of fish. You respectfully messaged me and found out with delight that we're both in the same town. Trying to be smart for a change, had you meet me down at the waterfront. We said our niceties and decided to go eat at a local Chinese restaurant. As soon as I got in the car and saw your profile, I froze. I asked you your last name even though I already knew, and I almost stopped breathing when you said it out loud.

I don't know if you ever knew this, but you're that guy. The guy who was a couple of years ahead of me in school, and the second that I would see you in the hall I was completely incapable of everything that I knew up until that point. You said that nobody ever said that to you before.

I really liked you. I kept catching myself being nervous but completely fine with it. We migrated from the restaurant to the other local bar of the road and had a couple of drinks and talked some more.  Someone decided to go for a drive because we didn't want the night to end.

We went to the lake. Talked more and the second your lips hit mine I knew it was over. You were always a part of me. Something from another time.  

I died waiting for you. 

You contacted me a couple of years ago. It was shortly before my relationship ended. You're coming back to Maine, you complimented my blog and made me feel the same way. I really wanted to see you. Then suddenly you blocked me.

Just know that I can't stop thinking about what you do with your lips when you're nervous. 

Day Drinking

when my body is at the point of exhaustion 

and my brain is a scattered mess

which we both know is nothing unusual 

my heart still beats your name

The bartender must have thought we were insane

middle of the afternoon on a Thursday

it felt like we were the only two people inside an Irish pub

and you could feel my body wanting to jump out of my dress 

when you ran your hands down my side

and I could feel your entire being pressed against me

I let you pay the tab 

and told you I'd meet you outside 

but I took the back door 

and you took the front 

I can't remember how I got home 

but I remember thinking cold pickles and gin were a good idea

and falling asleep naked to reruns of Parks and Rec

and dreaming of all the lives we almost lived 

and on dark days when I think I could maybe be over it

I wonder if maybe I might ever find you again 

and I need to know to keep this heart beating 

for another four hundred years 

if that's what it takes because I still owe you half a tab 

and at least one more lifetime