Closure

From the beginning, we were a tragedy;
in the agonizing instant I first saw your face,
I knew that I wanted to give you everything,
and that you had already stolen all of the things I had to offer
And then when my soul saw you it kind of went,
"Oh there you are.  I've been looking for you."
My infatuation, my desire, my lust for you was all consuming
Hell, I even trusted you

I miss you
Like, really miss you.
I feel the squeeze in the bottom of my heart when my mind says your name or sees your face.
When the wind whispers your voice.
The 4am sleeplessness,
not caused by writers block but by the whirlwind of dreams and memories dancing in my brain
The smile that forms when I imagine your laugh
that stupid grin you make when you see me doing something stupid.
I miss you.

I wore longing in my hair for a man who did not deserve to pull it.
But one thing that I will always be sure of
is that I'll never be sure how to know how to end and be a memory
I'll always be sure that I'll never be sorry for letting the world make me strong
I hope you hurt as you realize as you sift through the rubble of our memories
Admitting that your definition of love wasn't love at all;
But more a manipulation of hope.
And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back,
don't lie like I meant nothing.
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying:
"She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I destroyed her."

I went to our spot where the ocean devours the sand.
Desperately trying to ease my messy thoughts
I laid my body down on the cold ground waiting for gravity to cease.
I thought that maybe that's what it would take to move on from you.
The things you have done said that this was it,
that there was nothing here worth saving
and that we should set it ablaze and bury the ash
Which shocked me to my core and sort of confused me because
I thought you already did that.

I would like to say it's water under the bridge, but I'm not quite there yet.
After all, it was the water I nearly drowned in and the bridge you stood on, watching.