Resignation

You always acted like you could live without me.
Why are you so angry?
I'm just helping you do it.

I somehow led myself to believe that you were much more magical than you really are.
I can't say who's at fault for that,
nor do I want to spend another millisecond trying to analyze and calculate blame.
I can't stand it when another person is unhappy
but they refuse to do anything about it in the interest of avoiding confrontation.
You cannot change what you don't confront.

Sometimes we make mistakes and when we do,
we aren't willing to just accept that maybe,
just maybe,
it's okay to admit that it doesn't work for us and move on.
Well, I have a secret to tell you:

If it doesn't feel right, it's because it's not right.

I never wanted wanted to be loved because I am good for you.
I'm not everything you have been looking for.
You made it clear that I'm not the one who gets under your skin;
Who made you unsteady.
You never questioned everything you've ever believed about love looking into my eyes.
The one you were infuriatingly and inexplicably drawn to;
Like I was to you, unfortunately.

You say you think this time you've found the one in one breath
and tell me how miserable you are in the next;
but we both know you still spend time thinking about me.
The love I felt for you in my hands can't be replaced with her touch.

Congrats.
You drove a really good person away out of her life
because in your testosterone filled,
so-called manliness you felt so insecure that you had to prove that you could do it.
What the fuck have you won??
How many lies does this make now?
Did it make you feel any better that you destroyed a friendship?
Our friendship.
Her friendship.
Guess what?
A real person who is an adult,
would have been honest with you about them being in their life in the first place.
Any person with any amount of respect for themselves
would never allow another person who cares about them feel worthless
or question their role in that person's life.

None of that would matter to you if you were happy.

You were wrong about him, by the way.
You're not the better man.

I felt betrayal and loyalty tangled up in my hair.
I believed in beauty looking straight into your ugly truth.
We became the best and the worst for and from each other.
And it's all over now.

The saddest part of all is that you're giving her less love and she doesn't even realize this
because she's settled into a bed with someone who isn't even there.
But you're refusing to give up on what doesn't work for you
and holding everything that will at arms length out of your own ignorance.
I've found my voice and my strength and I'm moving on from you
And you're stuck with a bitch who lied.
And none of it matters now,
Because I'm done.

"These are all of the things that I love about you.  You're so trustworthy and amazing. I want you to always be yourself;  but in this one case don't do any of that.  Lose your integrity.  Drop your morals about twenty notches.....nope, lower......there ya go!  That's it.  Now, keep your mouth shut.  It's not lying if you keep your mouth shut."
No I won't.  Yes it is.  Fuck.  Directly.  Off.