Lately....

I have been told that I have a glacier surrounding my heart.
Take a closer look
It's paper mache.
~ Cynicallovebird

Being in my shoes isn't hard;  it's terrifying.  And the creepy clown waiting in the gutter is the knowledge that with one wrong move I'm going to fail at everything.

I've been a mess.  I've come to figure out that I've got many different types of messes.  I compartmentalize way too easily;  and it bothers me.  Lately though, I think my "piles" are now look like the desk of a mad scientist rather than the organized, perfectly put together June Cleaver type that I'd like to project.

This chaos in my brain has left me wishing that this was Nightmare Before Christmas and I lived in Halloweentown, because then if I popped off my head and traded with someone else for awhile, much like I want to do right now, it wouldn't be weird.

Something about transitioning times of year that have been espeically hard on me since I was a kid. I'm not going to lie, I've been having a tough time lately understanding the difference behind what I'm feeling;  is this thing that's taken my breath away PTSD, anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia.....what is my problem really.  I think that taking the time to actually evaluate my problems and feelings have actually caused me more pain and anxiety than doing the old fashioned "just putting it away".  I know I've reached the point where it's something that I'm no longer capable of doing. 

There's more, but I think this is enough thinking for now.

Coworker

He was the perfect specimen of man that her soul desired.  Even in passing as a complete stranger in the halls she wanted to know him.

One evening shared was the awakening that she wasn't even aware that she was waiting her entire life for.

She had never been so honest; he wasn't just some toy to play with.  He was different.  Special.  Settling.

Slowly but surely, contact dwindled.

Her soul craved their connection, knowing it wasn't to be.

"Don't shit where you eat".  Isn't that the saying?

She didn't collect people.  She no longer desired empty connection.  Unfriend button hit.

Why?

Because he stopped talking to her, and she got tired of wanting him to.