Screw You

The thing is, I never tried to change your mind;  

I tried to open it.

And the same can be said for your heart.

There's a possibility I figured out it's love because I felt myself transforming alongside you and in your hands.

Suddenly, I was an escape artist without a trap door 

and a homemaker trapped in a place I couldn't make into a home.

I stopped being able to tell how much of that was you 

and how much was me.

"No" is the sweetest stance my mouth has ever tasted.  

It was once something I thought I didn't have the palette for.  

That moment hit me the hardest;  

the realization that I've got a sweet tooth for all the words 

I have been dying to say to you.

I found myself cradling an ache between my palms that has found its way out of me but I cannot bear to set it free in your direction, fearing my tongue be the sacrificial lamb.

Let's claw at each other tonight.

I want a memory tomorrow that will make me bite my nails.

Whenever you cross my mind the thoughts are of you are so palatable

I can still taste you on my tongue.

You're the first one who didn't need to convince me that being alone is not better than this.

I had hoped that those words would be an incantation 

that would change everything between us.

There were yield signs and flashing lights and yelled warnings,

and I ignored them all.

What a painful ache it is;

to want more than you are wanted.

To need more than you are needed 

and to be forgotten when all you can do is remember.

I don't know how to be rid of my love for you without losing you.

There's a frustration here 

- feeling like straddling a pinpoint that I can't pinpoint.

You have hung sweet touches and conversation

and memories like paintings and dreamcatchers

on every inch of the home you've made in my being

and then told me not to miss you when you were gone.

I am making assumptions when we ought to be making connections.

I find myself holding my breath when I should be losing it.

If these lackluster sparklers are all there is

And all this magic was only by chance a once in a lifetime accident,

please forgive me when I tell you 

that I wish you had left your lighter at home.

Screw you, and your false hope.

~ Cynicallovebird