Father's Day 2016

Technology is awesome.  Without it, this blog would just be a paper diary under my mattress.  I still have one, to write "other things" aka non-public things and because sometimes nothing beats pen to paper getting it out, but I like reading blogs because it helps me feel grounded.  It's a good outlet for what's going on with the things in my head and if I can share it and help just one other person on the planet feel like they're not entirely alone and crazy then I'm going to do it until my fingers fall off. 

Thing #35,302,259,347 that I never thought I would have to Google and have had to since becoming a parent:  How to get dog pee out of dress shoes.  Apparently my elderly 9 year old terrier thought he was telling me off by peeing in my favorite shoes the other day when I didn't take him to the store with me.  In my defense I was there to grocery shop vs go in for one thing and it was way too hot for him to be in the car even with the windows rolled down.  When I went to give him hell for it, usually he would run to his bed when he's done something bad but he just grinned ear to ear at me as if to say "Yes, I did that.  Now let that be a lesson to you!"  I couldn't even be mad.  They're just shoes.

I love talking to my kids.  They have the best things to say.

Last night while eating dinner my daughter wasn't feeling well and my son picked up that it was because it was her "time of the month".  My son was horrified by this because,

"You mean to tell me that you get it on the weekends too!?  Jesus.  I'm so sorry to hear that."

I was talking to my son about making cupcakes for his Papa (my dad) this morning.  I'm at work, telling him about how to do it over the phone.

Me:  "After you make the cake mix, use the ice cream scoop to put it into the tin."
Him:  **huge pause and a huff**
           "Well, what the Hell am I am making then?  Cakes?  Or cupcakes?"

Insert huge roar of laughter and snickering from his sister, because he clearly was not aware that cake batter is what is needed to make cupcakes.

Nothing specific is going wrong at the moment.  Nothing catastrophic.  Milestones come and go:  Girl child graduated middle school.  My son turns 13 in two weeks.  Then I'll be the parent of two teenagers AND a high schooler.  Feeling how I do now, I have no idea how I'm going to cope when my daugther turns the same age I was when I had her.  Probably celebrate the fact that she (hopefully) will have her life more together than I did at that time.  Hell, I still don't have it together, but I certainly do more so now than I did back then.  Sometimes I think back to that time, and it just makes me so grateful for everything that I have now.  Most people (and it's mostly those who haven't stuck around long) aren't aware of what it's taken me to get to the point that I'm at now.  I've been a single parent for 15.5 years.

Which brings me to this next statement.  Yesterday was Father's Day.  As a single mom who also has an amazing relationship with my dad and grandfather who I now don't get to see as often as I would like to now that I'm an adult with responsibilities of my own, this day is not also for the mom's who do "double the work".  I am not a man, nor do I ever wish that I could fit into the roll of one.  I am their mother, plain and simple.  This day is to honor Fathers or Father Figures.  Not to place blame on absentee parents or male family members who, for whatever reason, have no presence in a child's life.  I would much rather not even acknowledge the existence of my ex just like my children and I do every other day.  Yes, I do "double the work", but I also get all the hugs and the laughter.  I get to teach them that it's the moments spent working hard and having fun doing it are what matter;  but I wouldn't have this to teach them if it wasn't for the men who had a hand in raising me.

So that's what I have for now.  Thank those who deserve it and move on not giving an ounce of energy to those who might not.  Be good to each other.

Happy Heart And Transitions

Last night, my aunt and I took my daughter dress shopping for her 8^th grade dance and graduation.  My daughter very rarely has worn dresses (and I’m pretty sure that it was only voluntarily once) since she was 10 so this is a big deal.  Right by the dressing rooms in Reny’s in Belfast, there is a rack of jewelry.  While she was in the dressing room trying on countless dresses, I can’t tell you how many times Steph and I looked all over that rack looking for a necklace and other accessories to get her depending on which dress she chose.  Then we got to talking about what a hard time I’m having as a mom with my kid transitioning into High School and finding ways to help her cope with such huge changes.  As we’re talking I’m nearly in tears about to lose it right in the middle of the store when out of the corner of my eye, I see something red on top of the same jewelry rack that we had just scoured over and I had to know what it was because no matter how many times we looked on that rack neither of us saw it.  With no price tag and missing something that was in the middle, is this red rose pin.  There is not a doubt in our minds that it’s our Nana Rose Dow saying that she’s here helping me through this.  Rei is her first Great Great Grandchild and she loved her so much when she was here.  Steph and I lost it in the middle of the store.  We told the attendant that was talking to us the entire time about what was going on, and she started crying.  "It's meant to be and I am going to make sure that you don't leave without it!" She told us.  We wanted to get it for Rei to wear and because there was no price on it, the attendant took it to the customer service and told them what was going on and they sold it to us for $1.  I can’t stop getting chills when I think about it and I’m crying as I’m writing this.   We told Rei what happened and she said that she is going to wear it and picked out a necklace to match.  The dress that she got is black so it’s going to be perfect.   I cannot thank the woman working there enough and I didn’t get her name but she is truly an angel.

It was nice to have some girl time with her.  Usually she hates shopping more than a grumpy old man and hauls me through the stores just to get in and out while I'm bouncing from department to department like a squirrel hoarding nuts for winter.  Then we stopped at mine and Steph's favorite local hole in the wall but they were slammed with a 45 minute wait for food so we just got drinks.  Then we went to another restaurant that the kids and I go to often and ate dinner.  Then she and I went grocery shopping which she hates to do, but I softened the blow with Tiramisu and a movie.  And then, she snuggled up to me and gave me a hug for the first time since she was 8.  

This is the good stuff folks.  

Joke's On Me

I'm

___________________

Being

Head

__________________

Heels

UUUU

Not today, Satan.  Not today.

But seriously who am I kidding?  
                          You could be the devil himself 
Walking up to me 
              And I would be so busy 
Admiring the way 
             That your eyes burned my clothes off 
That I wouldn't even care 
                     That I'm naked.

Who Knows

I don't know if you can call it love.
I don't know if this is something that's going to last.
The only thing I am completely aware of is that
Any time I am near you
My heart pounds
So hard that I fear that my ribs are going to crack.
You might as well have tied me to a chair
And just fed me heartache,
Because the second I saw you
I knew that it was game over.
That,
And my brain jumped right out the window like the Cowardly Lion when it met the Wizard of Oz.
This player who played all the players isn't playing anymore.

You looked right at me like you'd never seen me before and said,
"My God you're intelligent.  Not just smart, intelligent."
As if you and I were the only two people on the planet
Who understood that there was an actual difference.

And that kids,
is the beginning of the end
of me.